Coffee & Baileys

"Nobody wants to live in Florida..unless you're an orange!"

I am soaking up the sun in the sunshine state of Florida! Actually that is sort of a lie since it is quite chilly right now.. but it is a lot better than back in Toronto. I am still waiting for Tara to arrive, our plans got..misunderstood i guess, and so i got here yesterday and had to chill with her parents without her! But it was good times, her mom and I made some pretty awesome Martini's that were actually more like just vodka.
Starting the day by eating some lovely oranges and drinking coffee & baileys, yumm! Yes the coffee and baileys is practically tradition when i come here with the Eadie's, and its a good one!
Last night i realized what i want to do more than anything; go to Edinburgh, Scotland, and go to university for literature there. Not sure how Mrs. Eadie and i got on the subject, but it turns out that i really really intend to do this. It has always been my dream just to go to Scotland; there's just something about it that pulls me in - it seems so romantic, with all of the ruins and abandoned castles! It is full of so much history that i can't get enough of.
I'll find a way, we'll see.

In Other Words

Fly me to the moon;

Let me play among the stars

Let me see what spring is like,

On Jupiter and Mars.

In other words, hold my hand;

In other words, baby, kiss me

- Frank Sinatra

Oh what it'd be to be in love...

I wait for such a day.

Stardust Blanket

*the stars dust fall freely

opening its unconditional hope

sparkling gracefully as they twinkle to earths corners

covering the ground in a blanket of dreams

where all things can safely succumb to slumber*

Some people may think it's strange, but I much prefer the night over the day. The way I see it,  it is simply filled with magic and wonder; dreams.

The day is beautiful when the sun warms us with its kisses, but it also shields us. The day clouds our visions to all that is beyond, keeping hopes and dreams at bay

*embraced with unfailing faith

peaceful and yet it is more than silence

a sound of comfort, of a truth still unkown*

But when the sun falls away and the moon shines down; that is when the sky reveals its vulnerability. The fog is lifted and we get a powerful glimpse of the universe. Little bits and pieces of the bigger picture; of what's already written in the stars

*some may find themselves caught with curiousity

searching and digging for a hole in the silk

but the truth is why search when we are blessed with a cover from the stars

a shield where all can breathe and believe*

The stars are there to mock us, tease us, with all their secrets of what is to come. It is a romantic moment between one person and the universe, if only a moment, where dreams are shared and the sparks of hope ignite; burning bright as any falling star. So call me dark, isolated, whichever, the nighttime will always fulfill my faith, lighter than any sun.

*if only they can trust the magic of stardust

holding in their palms the key to any fantasy

eyes keen to close

for it is lovely to sleep in the arms of a starlit sky*

Life is but a Dream

I know nothing with any certainty,

but the sight of stars makes me dream

- Vincent Van Gogh

I just saw "Shutter Island" with my dad, and it got me thinking of reality as a whole. In perspective, how can any of us be sure of whats real and what is not? What if everything we ever believed we were, or are is wrong? Any one of us could be walking around thinking "hey this is my life, this is my name, and this is what i do" and then if you look at the bigger picture you are actually a crazy person in an insane asylum never knowing the reality of the situation. Yes this movie was very similar to Vanilla Sky in the sense that it messes with your mind, with any certainty of your existance.

The curious part -spoiler coming up- is that at the end he realizes that he is crazy and finds his reality, but then pretends to stay crazy in order to be sentenced to death - because in reality he did this awful thing. He decided he'd rather die a good man insane rather than live in reality as a monster.

What if it's true: Life is but a dream

Empty Window

It didn’t matter whether the night was warm with a summer breeze or crisp from winters touch, she would never allow her window to be closed. Her parents never knew of her secret but she would sneak out of bed each night and sit by her window looking out at the skies wonder, in hope that something special would happen. The little girl knew that stories were not real, but still she couldn’t help but believe that the tale of Peter Pan could exist and that a young boy would find her open window and take her away to Never Land.

********************************************* ************************************

She looked out her window and remembered a simpler time when it was easy to believe in magic, a time where Peter Pan and fairytales were thoughts of possibilities, not fiction. It was getting harder for her to have faith in something just to believe it was real. When did it get so hard to think everything will be alright in the end? She sat down onto her bed still staring out the window.
“Please come, come now. Please find me. I don’t want to go out there and face the world, I don’t want grow up.” – Tears began to fall down her cheeks. “I don’t want to forget how to believe, how to believe in true love, in finding the rest of your soul, how to believe in hope and happy endings, how to believe in the magic of all things.”
She continued crying but fell silent after her plea for Peter to come steal her away from reality. The thought of having to enter the harsh world of reality was a greater threat than she ever imagined.

Open Your Eyes

When I come across a dream that feels so real I explode with desire and passion but not to long after I realize that there was no foundation to the dream and I watch it fade away from my grasp, then I start to drown in my loss. Almost like mourning, but then how can you miss something that was never there, that was never yours? Reality is a harsh place. We are taught to believe in so many things. They tell us to believe in heaven, a place that exists only for peace and love, no wars or hate. We are to believe in Santa, the tooth fairy, and the Easter bunny and are told that we can be anything we want to be. For a good part of our life we take in these stories and breathe them like air for we believe that there is something to look forward to, that there is something more in this world. Slowly we finally get the facts; there’s no Santa, no Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny, and not everybody can be who they want to be. All our hope, all of our faith is just taken away and our dreams turn into a nightmare which we are to call reality. The magic that once filled our souls is emptied and filled with doubt. We reach out to heaven, in hope that something in this life is real.

No body feels understood. Everyone has their own story and each story has a deeper meaning, deeper thoughts that no one can describe. Seems like we’re always searching for something, maybe it’s love, but love is just a high that won’t last. You may love someone and be loved but still you will never be complete. No matter how hard you try to walk around it, block it or fill it the empty space remains. I try to see the world as a beautiful place because if you look closely it is. We are capable of feeling, of touching. Though you may feel hurt or sadness it is still feeling. You get to enjoy the feelings of happiness and excitement. The feeling of awe. Humans are incredible in such a way and its exhilarating to be able to feel; but people just have to channel their feelings. The world is beautiful and maybe the madness will someday end and we could see each other for who we really are, the same. No matter what race you are, or what religion you believe in we are all the same. We all want the same thing; to find what we’re searching for to fill in that place in your soul. Maybe when we see each other for what we are, then we will know that we are not alone, that we are one and that we can feel safe

We are pushed to learn, to succeed, and to make a difference. During this we are also taught that love conquers all, money isn’t everything, and if you work hard enough your dreams can come true. Why are we to be fed lies and even more why are we foolish enough to believe them. If money isn’t everything then why do we fight over it, why do we loose ourselves when trying to gain power? Those with money are the ones who rule our world, yet it is the people who don’t have it that have the pure hearts, that have the right minds to rule. Everyone’s intentions start out good and pure but the outcome rarely ends that way. There is no such thing as a good person, or bad. We all have evil in us as well as good but I don’t think we know how to tell them apart sometimes because there are so many of us out there that do wrong. In their minds it makes sense, like I said everyone has their own reasons and if we learned them I’m sure we’d understand even though it’s the wrong thing to do.

The children of today won’t save tomorrow; the children of tomorrow won’t save our future because no matter what generation we are in we keep making the same mistakes in different ways. So in this harsh world of reality we are not learning and I don’t think that anyone can accept that, so we continue to tell ourselves that we are right, that we are moving forward.

Do we all secretly number our days, wondering when our time is up? Many fear it, but if you believe in heaven or life after death why would you? Why wouldn’t you want to go there? It’s simply because deep down you aren’t sure whether it’s real, whether or not it is another lie. But this, this life, this world can’t be it. It can’t be all there is because we are nothing compared to the universe, to what’s really out there. There are too many unanswered questions for this to be it, and we will never figure it out until our time here is up. There is a bigger reason as to why we exist and why we walk the earth searching for something that we can’t find. There is no point in giving up; I never understood why people kill themselves because they don’t know what their future may bring. Even if it turns out to be a lonely disastrous life, it’s still life and there must’ve been a reason for it. That is one thing I believe, fate, everything happens for a reason and I think that is why I hold on because I know that there is a bigger plan for all of us.

Happiness is something that we can find daily but it can disappear as fast as it came. It comes and it goes, just like anything else, but when you have it I think its best to appreciate that you got the chance to experience its presence. All of those things, like laughter and love, kindness and goodness is all a gift that you receive more than once in your lifetime, but it also gets taken away when you might need it most. Sometimes we forget what its like to be happy, and that’s when it comes back to you, then there are times you feel that you’ve never known sadness, and that’s when it returns.

Are we all just shadows of past lives, stepping in the same footprints that others have left behind? As each night turns to day, and day turns to night time is still never grasped. It is something we can never get enough of, something that isn’t ours, something that determines our lives.We are selfish beings no matter how much we try to give, we all need and we all do whatever it takes to get what we most desire, but at what cost? In the end it’s never really worth it. Like love, at first it’s full of passion and lust but the fire always burns out, and sometimes you are left with someone you can trust and confide in, but other times you are left with a stranger and you don’t know who they are anymore. One day life, everything, may all make sense, or maybe it’s just something that’s not meant to be understood.

Perfectly Lonely

Nothing to do, nowhere to be
A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do, no one to be
Is it really hard to see why
I'm Perfectly Lonely
- John Mayer

My friends are always on my case because I don't have a boyfriend, and honestly don't even want one! I don't understand why it's such a big deal, I am perfectly happy being on my own and independent. It may seem weird to others I guess, but I just don't feel the need to go searching for someone, I don't believe that getting married and having kids is the most important thing to do.
To be honest I don't really believe in marriage; if you love someone you shouldnt have to prove it with a piece of paper...the moment you get married the respect for eachother goes out the window and you get too comfortable
I am a big fan of love, but no I have never been in love before. I want that kind of love where I am their everything and they are mine and life wouldn't be worth it without them. I'm tired of looking, and I am content on waiting, but people won't let me forget it.
All I am doing is waiting for the right guy - is that so bad?
I want it to feel natural, comfortable, with sparks and passion. Not forced upon.

Wait for fate to send a sign;
Who says i can't take time?
- John Mayer

First Blog!

Hey world!
so this is my first blog,
not gonna be very interesting since this was a very in the moment act
and i am tired.
but i will try to be committed to this as i do have a lot of ...unusual and possibly interesting thoughts that i do not intend to speak aloud, just write it out to strangers who might share similar ideas.
It is a good way to let things out, like a diary.
well goodnight!
& sweet dreams