New Sun, New Day; Same Shit

It’s the same old scenario, with the same old questions; when did everything change? When did everything get so complicated? I look around my room that reflects all the dreams I have, nothing realistic, all just dreams of a dreamer. I’m a lost hopeful soul expecting something magical to happen, some fairytale story of love, even tragedy, as long as there is an adventure in there. I see fairies placed around the room, trying to create the mystical world I live in, and I live there in my mind. But this world that I’ve created, over and over again I crash into the reality that it’s not real. Like on days such as this. I’ve trapped myself as a believer in things that will never be. I look over papers of things I have written and see that I have not changed as much as I think. When I reread pages written about the horror of growing up I just find myself back in those moments and feel the pain as if it were still happening now. I know that by tomorrow I will have talked myself back into positive thinking; back to dreamer mode, but days like this seem to be happening more and more; where I crash and burn. All I feel like doing is dying. I'm falling out of Wonderland.